Hit by a Truck
Mar. 5th, 2003 12:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
talktoolooseThat's how it feels. I've been in an e-mail dialogue with a British painter in Portugal for a few months. The discussion had moved from sexual predilections to discussions on the nature of love and infatuation when I asked him if he was Jewish. I had assumed he was because he used the name "Brodski" as part of his online handle. I told him I was Jewish and asked if he was, too. He responded:
"As you were saying, I'm not Jewish, and in fact I'm slightly anti-semitic to tell you the truth, at the same time as some of my best friends are and I have strong leanings towards Eastern Europe. I've never pretended to be simple!"
As I read this, I just sat there blinking in incomprehension and replied, "Huh? you're antisemitic? what?"
He replied, helpfully:
"Well, perhaps I shouldn't have said that, it was just a propos a passing query of yours. Lets just say, shall we, that I dislike values based on materialism and worldly show as much as I like generous intuitions from the heart. And although I don't practise the theology, I think the basic Christian virtues, if they exist any more, are pretty sound. I'd say the same for those of Islam, its fanatics apart as are the 'Christian' ones, regrettably the majority.Ê Does that answer your question? I'd never want to tread on anyone's toes, who hasn't trodden on mine. Individuals are always the exceptions to crude generalisations. I don't follow the rules of what I believe is called 'political correctness', and I admire anyone who says what he truly thinks, even if it's not the same as me. Yes?"
The truck was moving in towards me. Unable to believe what I was reading, I sputtered back something like "I have no idea what you mean! What? Materialism? Christian values? What? What?"
My friend and colleague Flurry read his note and said simply, "He's saying he doesn't like Jews." At that moment, I accepted the exchange with Mr. Brodski for what it was and I was devastated.
I've only encountered anti-semitism a few times in my life -- all of them when I was visiting Europe. I've led such a sheltered life, I guess. I'm not good with encountering hate. I've even structured my life to avoid homophobia as much as possible. I'm real kick-ass on the politics of anti-hatred, but mostly online or with those already sympathetic to my viewpoints. I'm not used to dealing with people who hate me for what I am.
An interesting explanation of my devastated feelings can be found in an excellent book I'm reading now, The Attack Queers, by Richard Goldstein (another one of those materialist, showy Jews). In it, he recounts an interview with black, gay American author James Baldwin. Goldstein asks Baldwin why his white gay friends are more in-your-face with their activism and seem more outraged about homophobia. Baldwin responds that the homophobia experienced by black gays is not that different from the racism they've grown up with. They're outraged but not surprised to be the objects of hatred. Goldstein contrasts this with the experience of white, middle-class gays who grow up assured of their privileged place in society, only to come out into a role as pariahs. This sends some running and some charging forward kicking and screaming.
Anyway, realizing my discomfort, Mr. Brodski wrote back (under the subject, Stepping Back):
"Listen, if we go on with this we are going to get into a quarrel, the last thing I want. One of the things I've never learned is to hold my tongue, and often I speak for the sake of hearing my own voice. Lets stick to our common interests, and leave other personal opinions apart hmmm?"
To which I responded,
"No, I don't think so. I was so shocked by your previous letter that I couldn't comprehend what I was reading (hence my letter of confusion in return). It wasn't until I read it to a friend and she said, "He says he doesn't like Jews" that I broke out of my stunned haze. I frankly have no more reason to continue any communication with you than I would with an avowed homophobe. Try this on for size: "You seem okay, but I don't like homosexuals. They are fundamentally immoral, as compared with proper heterosexuals." Would you continue a conversation that started that way? My shock comes from encountering the same old bullshit anti-semitism and, worse, encountering it in an educated, thoughtful gay man. I have no interest in debating with you or educating you. That would be too demoralizing and painful for me. I do not wish to have anything to do with a man whose "opinion" is that my people and my heritage is based on "materialism and show". I don't follow the path of any organized religion, but if I did, the values of Judaism are the closest to my own. That is all I have to say to you.
Jonathan
P.S. I've attached a photograph of myself so you'll know who you're talking to. Here I am seducing a pure Christian maiden."
I'm proud of myself for this response; for its clear tone and controlled anger, and I'm pleased with my final ironic shot. But I still feel like that ol' truck dragged me through the mud a bit before I got out from between the wheels.
"As you were saying, I'm not Jewish, and in fact I'm slightly anti-semitic to tell you the truth, at the same time as some of my best friends are and I have strong leanings towards Eastern Europe. I've never pretended to be simple!"
As I read this, I just sat there blinking in incomprehension and replied, "Huh? you're antisemitic? what?"
He replied, helpfully:
"Well, perhaps I shouldn't have said that, it was just a propos a passing query of yours. Lets just say, shall we, that I dislike values based on materialism and worldly show as much as I like generous intuitions from the heart. And although I don't practise the theology, I think the basic Christian virtues, if they exist any more, are pretty sound. I'd say the same for those of Islam, its fanatics apart as are the 'Christian' ones, regrettably the majority.Ê Does that answer your question? I'd never want to tread on anyone's toes, who hasn't trodden on mine. Individuals are always the exceptions to crude generalisations. I don't follow the rules of what I believe is called 'political correctness', and I admire anyone who says what he truly thinks, even if it's not the same as me. Yes?"
The truck was moving in towards me. Unable to believe what I was reading, I sputtered back something like "I have no idea what you mean! What? Materialism? Christian values? What? What?"
My friend and colleague Flurry read his note and said simply, "He's saying he doesn't like Jews." At that moment, I accepted the exchange with Mr. Brodski for what it was and I was devastated.
I've only encountered anti-semitism a few times in my life -- all of them when I was visiting Europe. I've led such a sheltered life, I guess. I'm not good with encountering hate. I've even structured my life to avoid homophobia as much as possible. I'm real kick-ass on the politics of anti-hatred, but mostly online or with those already sympathetic to my viewpoints. I'm not used to dealing with people who hate me for what I am.
An interesting explanation of my devastated feelings can be found in an excellent book I'm reading now, The Attack Queers, by Richard Goldstein (another one of those materialist, showy Jews). In it, he recounts an interview with black, gay American author James Baldwin. Goldstein asks Baldwin why his white gay friends are more in-your-face with their activism and seem more outraged about homophobia. Baldwin responds that the homophobia experienced by black gays is not that different from the racism they've grown up with. They're outraged but not surprised to be the objects of hatred. Goldstein contrasts this with the experience of white, middle-class gays who grow up assured of their privileged place in society, only to come out into a role as pariahs. This sends some running and some charging forward kicking and screaming.
Anyway, realizing my discomfort, Mr. Brodski wrote back (under the subject, Stepping Back):
"Listen, if we go on with this we are going to get into a quarrel, the last thing I want. One of the things I've never learned is to hold my tongue, and often I speak for the sake of hearing my own voice. Lets stick to our common interests, and leave other personal opinions apart hmmm?"
To which I responded,
"No, I don't think so. I was so shocked by your previous letter that I couldn't comprehend what I was reading (hence my letter of confusion in return). It wasn't until I read it to a friend and she said, "He says he doesn't like Jews" that I broke out of my stunned haze. I frankly have no more reason to continue any communication with you than I would with an avowed homophobe. Try this on for size: "You seem okay, but I don't like homosexuals. They are fundamentally immoral, as compared with proper heterosexuals." Would you continue a conversation that started that way? My shock comes from encountering the same old bullshit anti-semitism and, worse, encountering it in an educated, thoughtful gay man. I have no interest in debating with you or educating you. That would be too demoralizing and painful for me. I do not wish to have anything to do with a man whose "opinion" is that my people and my heritage is based on "materialism and show". I don't follow the path of any organized religion, but if I did, the values of Judaism are the closest to my own. That is all I have to say to you.
Jonathan
P.S. I've attached a photograph of myself so you'll know who you're talking to. Here I am seducing a pure Christian maiden."
I'm proud of myself for this response; for its clear tone and controlled anger, and I'm pleased with my final ironic shot. But I still feel like that ol' truck dragged me through the mud a bit before I got out from between the wheels.
Re: !!!
Date: 2003-03-09 10:36 am (UTC)Repost riposte
Date: 2003-03-09 10:55 am (UTC)J.
Re: !!!
Date: 2003-03-09 10:39 am (UTC)Re: !!!
Date: 2003-03-09 10:51 am (UTC)