talktooloose

I'm coming to a strange realization at the age of 44. I'm a shy person. I've always been noisy and outgoing but I think it's a front and a learned behaviour, not a reflection of my true self.

I've been thinking how much I've switched to solitary, non-performance arts in the last few years. This after learning to stand up on a stage and sing my heart out for an audience. But really, me as a performer was never that good a fit.

I went to bitterlawngnome's art opening last week at the Pentimento gallery (highly recommeded -- gorgeous work) and had to meet a lot of people I didn't know but had heard about through rfmcdpei whom I accompanied. It was smart-bear central and I was very happy to be introduced around. I made pleasant conversation, said wise art things and ate a lot of cheese. But you know what? I really only wanted to hang beside Randy and hide.

It seemed like a lot of worry to me whether I would be liked or not. This is probably the root of my hidden shyness. It's good that I learned to deal with these situations a long time ago, but the core shyness has not really retreated as I might have expected it to do.

I met 2fruition for the first time and was totally charmed but again, had the urge to run away and hide. Tell me if I'm wrong, Sean, but you seemed shy, too.

People tell you that shyness is something to get over, but maybe it's something to accept, too. If you want to be appalled, amused and infuriated at the same time, check out the book Shy Busters by a very pathetic self-help asshole. Snake got it from the library and declared it the end of civilization.