(no subject)

[talktooloose]

Oh boy, it's an insecure day. I have been engaged in a debate on Facebook where my position differs from others'. I brought it up with a co-worker and he was also against my position. But the more I spoke it out, the more I believed what I was saying, even though I could sympathize with the other side.

Simultaneously, I am doing a contentious design for a new chart-type at work, and even though the criticism my early designs are receiving is a normal part of the process, it's leaving me feeling vulnerable.

Conflict scares me, even when it's the kind of conflict that is potentially constructive. The idea that people won't like me anymore feels all too real.

So... breathe, name the problem. Hold the hand of the scared boy inside and assure him that this conflict is a normal part of the adult world, and it's not a threat to him.

(More on the scared boy golem later.)

Comments

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

wow

that is a whole new way for me to think about the idea of golem

*cogitates*

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

Uh, I didn't think it through too clearly before I wrote it. Now I will have to.

(cogitates)

Um, yeah, I think I can make it work. It's something I've been trying on the advice of my psychotherapist. I have a lot of anxiety dating back to childhood when I basically took on (and was given) responsibilities that I could not possibly have handled. I am locating a lot of my situational anxiety to relic fears of that child. My therapist suggested an idea which seemed hokey at first: actually talking to the child and letting him off the hook. Letting him know that I, the adult, had it under control and I had his back.

So… let's say the clay is my own troubled psyche, and the child is a golem I built and breathed into life through words.

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

golem = unformed = child

I had always thought of it in terms of the classic Freudian Id.

[mofic.livejournal.com]

I like you even when I disagree with you. I'm sure others do, too.

What was the debate about? Is it okay to ask?

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

About the banning of the song "Money for Nothing" because of the use of the word "faggot" in it.

I'm opposed to the ban.

Nice to see you on LJ! I am trying to get down to New York. Maybe later in May? Seeing you in person would be even better than seeing you here.

[mofic.livejournal.com]

I would love to see you! Let me know when/how your plans coalesce.

I'm trying to get back into lj. I love lj because it's writing-based. People write something; those interested read it and comment if they're moved to; discussion ensues. The social aspects arise from the content.

Facebook OTOH is often content-free and all social, so it's not so interesting to me. Yet I log onto facebook at least weekly and, lately, lj not very often. Why is that? I think because facebook is so content-free it's also kind of effortless. But I'd rather put the effort into lj and have the more interesting discussion, I think.

Also, since I started in lj because of fanfic and haven't been doing that lately, I kind of avoid it...

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

Very good analysis on the difference between the platforms. I will have to make May plans soon, though it might be June. Company retreat one weekend, my sister coming to Toronto another, her kids and their sig. oths. coming Memorial day weekend.

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

BTW, I didn't comment on your first line. Thank you. It's something I know rationally — that I'm loved even if I disagree with someone — but sometimes it's a scary place for me to be. See my response to Bitterlawngnome earlier in the thread.

[mofic.livejournal.com]

Okay, so maybe you just need a lot of reassurance from those of us who disagree with you sometimes and love you always. I can do that.

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

Could you hold the hand of my scared golem too? Conflict, no thank you.

WHAT OF PEOPLE WON'T LIKE ME ANYMORE?? *bites nails* God, I understand. All too well.

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

Heh, I'm afraid that we are responsible for our own golems, but if it's any comfort, separating my adult and child selves and creating a dialogue between them is proving very helpful.