Delayed Relief

[talktooloose]

What I want to know is if writing makes me feel so good (not only as I do it but after I've done it), why do I neurotically avoid getting down to it until I'm a complete emotional mess?

Ack! It's so hard not having Snake here. I offload a lot of ordering of my life onto him. He says, "Hey, let's go to sleep now," and off we go. Otherwise I stay up until the wee and suffer the next.

I saw a doc on Tony Kushner yesterday (excellent, inspiring) and today rewatched parts of Angels in America. The density of thought and feeling in that piece is exactly the kind of writing I want to do, although in a different medium. I also became terribly worried that I'm like Louis; ultimately selfish and more in love with ideas than people.

Do we all wonder if we really know how to love? I like to say love is in the action, not the feeling, but I doubt this little gem of homespun wisdom sometimes. I doubt my capacity. I'm just a kid with a bag of candies on the playground.

Morbid thoughts. Time to go to sleep.

Tomorrow: water the garden, do more writing, try and find a bike for painglass (I may have one), go see a movie, go to a slutty party. Sounds like a plan.

Comments

[painglass.livejournal.com]

in order of things in your post:

1- a love action is hollow without the emotion, just as the emotion is unfulfilled without the action. At least in my opinion. I feel a bit like love is the snake which eats itself- its feeding on itself to sustain momentum. But then again...i could argue that I love a great many people in far shallower ways which don't require as much action or as much emotion. The love I hold for my friends, family, and lovers are all different, but its the same emotion at its root.
2- go to sleep. :)
3- Bike?! Oh, I do so love the idea of having a bike to ride while i am there. Which, by the way, until tonights spat with milo, I was jumping up and down with excitement for (still excited, but more reservedly). 5 days! :D
4-Slutty party?! Yay!

[briseur.livejournal.com]

> a love action is hollow without the emotion, just as the emotion is unfulfilled without the action.

Thank you for having thought about this so I no longer have to think about it.

[painglass.livejournal.com]

I think about love and the nature of love quite often. I've loved too often and freely to not think about it. However, I was not offering this to put an end to the debate, merely to add a new dimension, from my perspective, to the debate. If you feel this answers all there is to question about love, then you can stop thinking about it. (lucky you!) Me, I feel like its just a single piece of the love puzzle. But then again, even the simple becomes complex when it enters my mind. :P I can pick things to death.

[briseur.livejournal.com]

I don't know that I'd say it answers all my questions about love, but it certainly says as much as needs be said on the rapport between action and emotion. Now that I write it that way, I think that may be applicable ti the rapport between action & emotion generally, not just as regards love, though certainly most poignantly as regards love.
I too think about love & its nature quite often. I am increasingly inclined to relishing its nuances rather than seeking answers to questions, as this gives me more pleasure.

[briseur.livejournal.com]

1) I too sometimes avoid doing the things that bring me the most joy. For me, it's about having made them into obligations, internally.
2) Helpmates are nice.
3) I've just begun reading Marge Piercy's histofic set during the french revolution, "City of Darkness, City of Light." Your comment about density of thought and feeling is a summation of what I enjoy about her.
4) I don't ever wonder if I know how to love, though I've spent a lot of time in the past wondering whether or not I was capable of loving well. I now recognise that I'm eminently capable, it's a question of choosing to do it in every moment.
5) I like your bag of candies.

[painglass.livejournal.com]

1- ditto
2- yes!
3- Ohhh, this sounds too interesting. I'll have to pick it up when done with the current 20 books on my reading list.
4- everyone is capable of love, it making the decision to be open to it and brave enough to stand its onslaught without running. Choosing to love in every moment, yes, I like that idea. Love needs to be an unconscious emotion made conscious.
5- Candy!

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

Boy, I'd like the two of you to meet sometime. Is there a good time I can phone you Sunday, PG?

What does "permenate" mean?

[painglass.livejournal.com]

On Sunday, I will be spending the day in Chicago with friends, but you may call me anytime. I will have a notepad in case I need to write anything down (or I will try to have one with me in my bag...).

permenate? Maybe meant to be permanent, meaning lasting or intended to last or remain unchanged indefinitely.? If i wrote that word, it was probably me misspelling something, yet again.

[painglass.livejournal.com]

Also, which I forgot in my last message, if Briseur lives in Toronto and is in town, I have no objections to meeting hir.

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

He lives in Vermont. Someday I will get all interesting people I know together.

Maybe "permenate" is a combination of "permanent" and "permeate".

It's part of your LJ name. I'll cal tomorrow.

[painglass.livejournal.com]

My name has been fixed. :P Thanks for pointing that out.

I look forward to the call!

[briseur.livejournal.com]

4) "...brave enough to stand its onslaught without running..." I'm not sure I understand what you mean by love's onslaught, but I'd sure like to know.

[eversearching.livejournal.com]

What you write about love, and what you write about writing, all really ring true with me.