Stormy Weather

[talktooloose]

I have ignored the thunderstorm and deluge forecasts and ridden my bike to work. We'll see how that turns out.

In other stormy news, I'm going to start distancing myself from the role of peacemaker between Snake and Tutu and start accepting the idea that they may not be able to make their relationship work. Snake is a nasty-ass second generation Scorpio at the best of times, but through a combination of brutal honesty and endless compassion, he and I have sunk roots as deep as any mountain. While Tutu has the idea of compassion and honesty, he hasn't got the practice down yet and he pushes all of Snake's worst buttons many times a day. As a result, I get to watch many of the same earth-shaking fights Snake and I had 13, 14 years ago being played out between them but with less hope for resolution.

For the past two years, I've often played peacemaker but I'm doubting my motivations and doubting whether my intervention is what the situation needs. First of all, I hate fights. My father screamed and flew off the handle all through my childhood and I found myself in the inappropriate role of the one who could calm him down. This is not a responsibility a child should have been allowed to take on and I think, as a result, I didn't learn to respect my own feelings of anger -- anger was something to smooth away ASAP.

But I realize that, despite the fact that I want to see my family happy, I can't solve their communications problems and might even be standing in the way of their mutual growth.

I have reasons for wanting the two of them to remain a couple and reasons for wanting them to break up. Many of those reasons are for my personal convenience. Therefore, again, I come to the conclusion that I have to back off and let them find their own way.

It's after lunch now and the expected storms have not hit. The storm clouds loom; they make vague augeries and cast dark portents, but I'd be a fool to say I can predict when and if they will cross from threat to violence.

Comments

[nyahnyahnyah.livejournal.com]

Hugs.

Thank you for all your input on my shit today when things like this are also swirling in your head. I love you.

[rcornelius.livejournal.com]

Hugs.

Your are definately making the correct choice. In the end, they have to figure it out for themselves, so giving them the space to do that is important unless you really feel you can be objective to both sides.

Stormy weather

[(Anonymous)]

I saw a tiny part of the storm when Tutu visited me in the West before he went to the East. It was hot out, we had been walking around a lot, and I couldn't decide on a restaurant and Tutu's petulant shadow came across him as if I was responsible for his discomfort. I was surprised at the contrast to his previous intellectualism. But then I am/was very similar. I too hate fights, because I tend to just lose it if I get righteous, and, so, spent much energy soothing Tutu with placations. And then when I saw that he was lapping this attention up a bit too much, I felt manipulated a bit, so I firmly told him not to be "such a bitch over nothing" and to get over it. (that's how familiar with each other we had grown in only two days). It worked but maybe because I don't live with the man. We laughed later when I told him you had soothed me in various rehearsals way back when and once on a cold day on your visit to Tokyo to see troubled me. SECRET: Tutu recognizes and respects your efforts at peacemaker and appreciates it. But I like your new hang-back strategy because Tutu has to learn that negative emotional manipulation will not get his pretty ass very far with you guys. Question: how might it come back to bite you in the ass when the duo notice you aren't mediating ? :)
Hugs, CODY