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Crest fallen sidekick in an old cafe
never slept with a dream before he had to go away
there's a bell in the tower
Uncle Ray bought a round
don't worry about the army
in the cold cold ground

Enthusiasm Spasm

I rediscovered Tom Waits' album Frank's Wild Years today. I'm sitting here at work, smelling of massage oil, absolutely stricken by the Train Song. How does he do it? His voice is a parody of the bourbon-soaked country blues singer but he is completely without irony.

My new LJ name comes from the first line of that album's Cold, Cold Ground.

After the laying off of my friend here at work, I've been handed the whole web portfolio. Well, this week we're relaunching as a whole new company with a new name and the implications for the web are intense and I'm the one riding them. It's been a scary and exhilerating week because I'm rising to the challenge just fine. But, BOY! at my massage today, there were some evil knots, especially around my right shoulder and that's all mousing tension.

8 day hours at a computer is bad for the body. Repeat 3 times, class!

I've lost all enthusiasm for the Passover book at this point. We're in a series of stupid negotiations about niggling points in the book. I sent a letter 8 days ago saying, "so what about my early December deadline for getting on press?" I received a letter yesterday saying, "We are not pushing to have this to press this December." So, I reply, "You mean, it's not coming out for Passover 2004?" and she replies, "We're not ruling it out, but it doesn't seem realistic." Look, honey. Yes or no. I actually have to work on this and I need a real deadline. Shit on a stick. Also, she wants the "cat torture" removed from my drawing of the rebellious son. Cat torture?

I am breaking one of my own rules doing this book: if it's my art, I don't want anyone telling me how to do it. That's why I have a day job. There I never try to have the last word; it's not mine to have. But I never want to be anything other than self-published everywhere else.

It's amazing how this kind of wrangling makes me completely lose interest. I wanted this book for the following reasons:

1. Try my hand at illustrating a book. Mission accomplished. In fact, it's inspired a whole new direction in my life.

2. Produce a remote recording session with an engineer I hire, integrating his system computer system and mine. Done and fun.

3. Make a connection with this publishing house for future work. I don't want this goal anymore. Not that they're worse than others, I just don't want this goal at all with anyone.

Now, I have one new goal I'm excited about:

4. Create and execute a colour plan for the book, which I will do in conjunction with a wonderful painter friend. So, I guess I'll look to that goal for my will to go on. The rest is a pain and I now perceive it as a waste of my time.

This may be an attitude problem, I admit it.

In the meantime, dreams of future glory and future material possession will be my solace: I am oranizing my 8gb of mp3s onto themed cds, cleaning up all the tags in the process. This will be a great thing.

Also, I want:
• Peter Gabriel - Growing Up Live DVD
• Looney Tunes: The Golden Collection
• Gypsy - New cast recording with Bernadette Peters
• Oryx & Crake - Margaret Atwood's new novel
• Louis Riel - Chester Brown's new graphic novel
• A new G4, 1.25 gHz computer
• A day off all to myself, the rest of my household having been temporarily transported to Pluto, though they can return for dinner if they cook it.