Clog

[talktooloose]

My mental state is best described as fragile today. I don't want to be at work. I actually don't want to be anywhere except maybe walking in a ravine for hours and hours or in bed sleeping.

I am full of doubts and guilt and I'm not fun to be with. Still, the brain factory chugs on and on. I finally have the hook for the last act of my fic novel. (Chapter 4 should be life this week, X-fans) But I'm riddled with guilt because I'm going to miss my comic deadline this week. I just got too busy with my brother and life and RESTING on the weekend.

I would like to be able to go pedal to the metal all the time. I wish I could be that person but I can't.

I'm going down not very useful roads about wasted opportunities in my past. I hate regret and try to banish it from my thoughts, but I'm really feeling it today. What was broken in me that I didn't have the confidence to grab my dreams? And now that I am waking up a bit into the life of an artist, where will I find this confidence and where will I find the time?

The clogging of arteries takes on a metaphorical role: the pipe through which I try to force my dreams is occluding.

Comments

[rfmcdpei.livejournal.com]

::hugs::

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

::hugged::

[nekidwhiteboy.livejournal.com]

What was broken in me that I didn't have the confidence to grab my dreams?

Part of the very nature of a dream is the fact that you doubt it, at least a little bit. It's a dream. The fact that you're able to make any of yours come real at all makes you really fucking special.

<3

[nekidwhiteboy.livejournal.com]

There was a <3 in there too. Fucking LJ. <3 !

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

That's kind of awesome. And very helpful. I felt the <3 even if LJ ate it.

"LJ ATE MY <3!!!!!"

Here's my butt in thanks.

[nekidwhiteboy.livejournal.com]

:) You know how I hate it when you self-depreciate.

Give my regards to your butt.

[lux-apollo.livejournal.com]

Hey, we all need breaks, or we break. No fault to you.

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

It's a fine balance between disciplining yourself and abusing yourself sometimes.

Thanks.

[briseur.livejournal.com]

Hadn't known you cherished ravinewalking