Poem for a Sunny November Afternoon

[talktooloose]

A breezy bit of verse for a lazy day inspired in part by scbenji's comment in my journal about Terpsichore. How did you stumble across my journal anyway, Ignatius?

The naked trees of November
Shake the lightness of their limbs
A brief autumnal terpsichore
Before the weary weight of winter

Comments

usually this doesn't happen to me in english

[briseur.livejournal.com]

qu'est-ce qu'un terpsichore?

Now, IN MY DEFENSE...

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

Terpsichore (terp-si-ko-ree) is one of the Muses. She does the dance thing. I desperately wanted to use the word to mean "dance" there. Like a dance. Like "tarantella" which I briefly considered. Merriam-Webster sort of backed me up on that: one of the definitions of terpsichore (which I am pronouncing "terp-si-kore" here) is "dance, choreography" but I still feel a little dirty.

Having explained that, any comments? Is it sentimental drivel?

Re: Now, IN MY DEFENSE...

[briseur.livejournal.com]

terpsichore is pretentious, substitute "dance," & rhyme it with line 5 in which you say what the weary weight of winter DOES to limb or tree, & you've got something

Re: Now, IN MY DEFENSE...

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

A brief autumnal dance
Before the weary weight of winter
Makes it give up its highroller lifestyle and open a cozy pension in the south of France

Re: Now, IN MY DEFENSE...

[briseur.livejournal.com]

Not what I had in mind, but it's actually rather appealing in a set-you-up-with-symbolism-knock-you-down-with-satire sort of way