The Courage to Fear

[talktooloose]

trapezebear wrote in his journal today about people who think of him as courageous: "As long as we define courage as 'moving through fear,' rather than 'not being afraid,' then this is accurate."

This reminds me of something I said to someone last night about my own struggles with my fears. I said that I'm still afraid of almost everything important I take on in my life but less afraid of being afraid. I can dive into something and say, "Okay, here comes the panic. Yeah, that'll last for about the first three weeks, but it will diminish if you stick to your action plan and stroke yourself a lot*. Oh, and here come the irrational internal voices saying you're going fail. Hi guys! You can blather on all you like and wake me at 4 a.m., but I know you're all just bullshit."

While the fear is still real and the pain is still vivid, I'm trying not to let it stop me anymore.

Cheers to you, Trapeze! You are one of my heroes.



* Take that any way you want.

Comments

[mentalmakeup.livejournal.com]

Sometimes, I reflect on the people around me and all the terror they deal with. The panic and the dread and the four am jags, but moreover, the fact that no one ever told us it would be like this. I think we're the bravest motherfuckers in town.

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

Did no one tell us because they didn't feel it or because they were embarrassed to speak about those feelings?

My hope is that my recognition of the patterns of my fear and my demystification of the inner voices will eventually render them powerless and ineffective -- effectively diminishing the perception of fear.

Of course, then I'll get into more fears of mortality and fears of impending fascism, etc. Ah, me...

[mentalmakeup.livejournal.com]

I've done so much work on recognizing the inner voices, naming them, feeling them out, shouting them down. They need competition from the inner voices that love and hope. And the thing is, it works. And once you have those other inner voices in place, well-fed, smoking stogies, they can cope with the other kinds of fear with infinite patience and strength. That's my theory.