Birth and Death
Oct. 1st, 2004 11:35 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
talktoolooseI had a really well made, yummy mediterranean lunch with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
scottybear yesterday. Afterwards we sat talking on the lawn of a hospital on University Avenue in the unusual end of September warmth.
Appropriately for a deep discussion of life, it was made across the road from where I was born. I didn't realize until later that I had also seen the accompanying death image. That came in the form of a man with waist length, iron straight blond hair, sunglasses and a long black coat. His is an image that I have cast many times in the role of ruthless killer in my stories.
Life and death. It's all trivial and meaningless, as Scotty said. Even calling it trivial and meaningless is trivial and meaningless. That is the balance to the profundity and pain of existential questions.
I am showing this patient man sides of myself that I usually keep hidden and allowing myself to be obnoxious in his presence. I even flared up angrily at one point. I find that kind of revelatory behaviour frightening with someone I'm just getting to know. It's almost like I'm testing his friendship. Daring him not to like me.
But he's not buying it.
I just got off the phone with someone in Scarborough who wanted me to come over to his place and have sex. But I can't! I have work to do and, besides, he's shy and inexperienced and I am definitely not in the head space to be as caring for him as I would demand myself to be.
Responsibility. I believe in it.
That was definitive ending statement number two of this post and yet I'm still typing.
And that's just the way it is.
Damn! this has got to end somewhere. Maybe if I...AARRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH....
...
..
.
- He must have died while he was writing it.
- That's stupid, if he died he wouldn't have written 'AAARRGGGHHHHHHHH', He would have just said it!
scottybear yesterday. Afterwards we sat talking on the lawn of a hospital on University Avenue in the unusual end of September warmth.Appropriately for a deep discussion of life, it was made across the road from where I was born. I didn't realize until later that I had also seen the accompanying death image. That came in the form of a man with waist length, iron straight blond hair, sunglasses and a long black coat. His is an image that I have cast many times in the role of ruthless killer in my stories.
Life and death. It's all trivial and meaningless, as Scotty said. Even calling it trivial and meaningless is trivial and meaningless. That is the balance to the profundity and pain of existential questions.
I am showing this patient man sides of myself that I usually keep hidden and allowing myself to be obnoxious in his presence. I even flared up angrily at one point. I find that kind of revelatory behaviour frightening with someone I'm just getting to know. It's almost like I'm testing his friendship. Daring him not to like me.
But he's not buying it.
I just got off the phone with someone in Scarborough who wanted me to come over to his place and have sex. But I can't! I have work to do and, besides, he's shy and inexperienced and I am definitely not in the head space to be as caring for him as I would demand myself to be.
Responsibility. I believe in it.
That was definitive ending statement number two of this post and yet I'm still typing.
And that's just the way it is.
Damn! this has got to end somewhere. Maybe if I...AARRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH....
...
..
.
- He must have died while he was writing it.
- That's stupid, if he died he wouldn't have written 'AAARRGGGHHHHHHHH', He would have just said it!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-10-01 09:22 am (UTC)take care of yourself. it sounds like you are, but I thought you could stand to hear it again.
On behalf of <lj user=rake_blackguard>
Date: 2004-10-01 01:36 pm (UTC)That's an interesting theory. Let's see you be a big boy and tell me where it's flawed. It's not that hard, really.
Re: On behalf of <lj user=rake_blackguard>
Date: 2004-10-01 02:58 pm (UTC)The interesting question is whether you are rake_blackguard. Your cruel snipes used to be wittier and archer than his. And it's hard for me to imagine you being so childishly spiteful as to create a new persona months later with which to infiltrate a group you have no respect for anyway. But then, everyone uses their time differently.
Still, it's interesting that you guys are buddies.
Re: On behalf of <lj user=rake_blackguard>
Date: 2004-10-01 03:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-05 11:54 am (UTC)