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[personal profile] talktooloose
They just fired someone at my work. He's one of my closest allies here and a man who has been my inspiration in many ways. He was instrumental in initiating many of the processes from which the company is now profitting.

He was the sole graphic designer until I and one other came along. At that point, he became the senior designer and had a hard time adapting to the management role, especially since he and the woman who is currently the senior were oil and water and triggered each other like hell. He began to get emotionally unstable around that time.

As the company sprouted some grandiose dreams, he was made Director of Communications (or something), and given a rather vague mandate which unnerved him further. A few months later, he had to leave work for an extended period until he became stable again. During the months that were needed until his long-term disability kicked in, the company kept paying him a partial salary and subsequently were very flexible regarding his slow re-entry, allowing him to come and go as necessary. Lately he's been improving and he's gone off his meds.

So, the company's grandiose dreams are all on hold now because we're suddenly in danger of going into the red. Generosity is on the chopping block and he's out. We were all gathered together in the boardroom for the announcement. Following it, the managers tried to get touchy-feely and talk about focussing on the future. One unspeakable cunt put a huge smile on her face and thanked the management team for their openness and said it gave her a lot of faith in the company. I wanted to kick her fucking teeth in.

One manager said we should feel free to talk about it to any of them or amongst ourselves. I almost said, "Actually, we don't need your permission to talk amongst ourselves, dude." As the discussion was in danger of continuing with more smiling platitudes, I did say, "If we're going to continue to discuss this now, I'll have to leave." This statement broke up the meeting. The President put his (unwelcome and uninvited) hand on my arm and said he appreciated my emotion. It wasn't for his benefit so he should keep his thanks.

The whole episode proves what I have already known -- that we have moved from a small company (7 people when I was hired) with an intimate and friendly relationship, to a larger, more ambitious unit committed to forces of growth that are increasingly beyond our control and increasingly unrelated to the human bottom line. This is why I don't go to company picnics where we have to pretend to be friends; these are not my friends, they are my employers. I need this job and they need me for the time being.

What really upsets me is that they sort of set him up for failure. They gave him a job which helped unsettle him and then fired him because the job no longer fit into their short-term plans.

I will not discuss my emotions with my superiors, as I will probably be invited to do. I do not discuss my emotions in a position of conflict of interest and with those I can't trust. I know myself well enough to not be emotionally blackmailed.

I'm sad and unnerved. I now see this as a further spur to get my art plans going. Maybe, if I play it right, it can at least partially support me within five years and then I won't be blindsided if I'm found to be surplus. There are problems in this plan but I'm still in shock.

Bye.

Date: 2003-10-23 12:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] redrunner.livejournal.com
I have things to say on this subject, but I'm not sure how helpful or useful they would be. Maybe I'll tell you in person but for now I'll just applaud the art-spur-ness.

Date: 2003-10-24 02:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] talktooloose.livejournal.com
Okay. Are you and [livejournal.com profile] snowmit going to be home this weekend? Can I come over and see your art and cuddle with you guys and hear how 'mit's gaming adventures are going? If so, what day?

Date: 2003-10-23 02:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zarabell.livejournal.com
I am sory to hear...yeah. Take care of yourself. Wonderful to get to know some of you.
Zara

Date: 2003-10-24 02:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] talktooloose.livejournal.com
Thanks, ZB, missing trains is a pleasure if it means that kind of connection!

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