Your Morning Smile

[talktooloose]

I am filled with a rage so black that were it to be unleased, the whole building would be engulfed. It would twist and melt in the flames of my anger and pour down the storm grates like acid molasses, finishing off the fish who are already struggling with the run-off of our mad, insatiable civilization.

Comments

[quirkstreet.livejournal.com]

Do hugs help?

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I'm feeling better now.

It was my stupid performance review which always trigger the fuck out of me. In this case, nothing really negative, but the context killed me. We are in our fourth and a half month of killer deadlines and 9 hour days. Through it all, I've worked my ass of well, intelligently and remained courteous. In January, when the supervisor quit, two of us took on her job on a four month basis. I didn't want the job but I agreed to do it temporarily. I've kicked ass.

So, at my review I was expecting: "Fuck, we're really grateful and impressed because we were in a tight spot and you took it on and rocked it during a difficult period." Instead, I got the same lame criticisms I've heard for the last six years (Need to show more sense of urgency, need to focus harder on tasks and show impeccability). Even if I hadn't been doing the supervisor job since January they should have noticed that I've improved DRAMATICALLY in these areas.

But I'm still getting the same LAZY, BULLSHIT, TOUGH-LOVE MANAGEMENT GARBAGE.

I'm over sensitive to this crap, but fuck it, I really do deserve a little medal or a $20 gift certificate or something instead of "goals for improvement in 2008".

You know what? I'm as good at this job as I'm EVER going to be. And that's pretty damn good. I have no reason to want to improve and, frankly, no need to. I'm good enough for their purposes. It's all the capitalist, constant-growth horseshit. This is my day job. I do it as well as I can, you get someone loyal who is not running out the door with all his experience.

That is all.

Thanks for listening.

[quirkstreet.livejournal.com]

I gotta tell you, performance reviews trigger the holy fuck out of me, too. I so completely hear you.

Let me tell you something. When I was in the US Air Force in the mid 1980s (read: a less "enlightened" era, and a context most people would not immediately assume was "touchy feely"), the management courses they made me take talked about how you really need to give people a good 5-10 instances of praise for any 1 or 2 "this needs work" statements you're going to give them.

What's more ... most of the military officers I worked for? Really practiced that.

Whereas out in the "real world"? It's VERY rare to get *1* "attaboy" for every "please do better."

I'm over-sensitive to it, too. I'm a petite flower about this stuff. But you know what? Most "management" types don't have the personnel sensitivity of an average brick falling from a great height. So I'm over-sensitive to stuff that other people should *also* be pissed about. ;-)

You are sane.

[lux-apollo.livejournal.com]

I think I would pay good money to witness the twisting and melting.

But yeah... it sounds like things are better now. Managers are douche.

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but poor fish!

Things are better but I'm still smarting all these days later. I swear to God, next year I may just call "bullshit" on the whole process and see how that goes down.

[strumquill.livejournal.com]

Performance reviews are corporate bullshit. One of the reasons I am a unionized teacher. I had them in Private ESL schools here and in Japan.

I'd write my own performance review and append it to their comments and ask for it to be placed on your file with theirs.

I'm Irish, I know rage :)

CODY

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

"Let us tell you how your basic flaws are hurting our bottom line. We'll smile through it and pretend to be your friends."