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Creative Basketcase
May. 7th, 2010 02:50 pmI'm kind of spun out of control these days. I'm filling my life with weird, unconstructive, unpleasant wastes of time; I'm manic and panicked. And I think it's all part of my creative process. Actually, if I was really listening to my sould, I'd be wandering around the art gallery or having a bunch of sex or various random shit.
My book is purcolating inside me. I had intended to sit down and write out everything I knew about it, but the two times I've tried, it's turned into a ridiculous scribble session. BUT... I think and think. A new character arrived last week in my head, fully formed. Two existing characters suddenly got a raison d'etre. The strange extended family of one came into focus.
And now, as I sat watching "The Cartoonist," a doc about Bone and RASL-creator Jeff Smith, I suddenly understood the stakes of the last act of the book. I understood that, not only is the main character making a choice about the life of his child versus the lives of millions, he is fundamentally making a decision about the love affair that is brewing with that new character I mentioned. And now, knowing that, both of their journeys have path markers that didn't exist before.
I feel like I'm hoisting up a heavy tent, and every now and then, poles appear to give it hitherto unseen structure. Power is flowing into the engines of the book to help me raise it up.
I know... I KNOW... that if I'm just patient, It will work itself out. I have to stop hating myself for being a mess during this process. I have to forgive myself for being uncreative, or differently creative. It's all about the book; I just to have to trust that.
My book is purcolating inside me. I had intended to sit down and write out everything I knew about it, but the two times I've tried, it's turned into a ridiculous scribble session. BUT... I think and think. A new character arrived last week in my head, fully formed. Two existing characters suddenly got a raison d'etre. The strange extended family of one came into focus.
And now, as I sat watching "The Cartoonist," a doc about Bone and RASL-creator Jeff Smith, I suddenly understood the stakes of the last act of the book. I understood that, not only is the main character making a choice about the life of his child versus the lives of millions, he is fundamentally making a decision about the love affair that is brewing with that new character I mentioned. And now, knowing that, both of their journeys have path markers that didn't exist before.
I feel like I'm hoisting up a heavy tent, and every now and then, poles appear to give it hitherto unseen structure. Power is flowing into the engines of the book to help me raise it up.
I know... I KNOW... that if I'm just patient, It will work itself out. I have to stop hating myself for being a mess during this process. I have to forgive myself for being uncreative, or differently creative. It's all about the book; I just to have to trust that.
