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Setting Limits
Mar. 14th, 2008 01:09 pmI have a lot of trouble setting limits even when I'm clear what they should be. In general, if anyone asks me to do something, I say yes. I get myself in trouble saying "yes" and then get filled with resentment because I wanted to say "no" or "yes, but not quite like that". This is a bad strategy.
This morning, I set what was a totally reasonable limit but because I'm so conflicted, I set it inappropriately too late. I'm feeling ashamed now.
Part of the problem is that I try to manage all situations in a way that will result in everyone being totally pleased with me at all times. This is patently impossible and often leads to situations where everyone is mildly (or seriously) pissed off at me.
I have to learn to speak my mind earlier.
Am I glad I set the limit this morning? Yes and no. Yes, because it's not unreasonable and it's what I want. No, because I inconvenienced someone who is already experiencing a lot of inconvenience from other sources... and, sadly, most importantly to my infantile impulses, I am now in danger of not being liked as much as I would be if I had not set the limit.
(Even this post is dishonest because I am using it partly to emotionally manipulate the person I inconvenienced.)
Please grow up, TTL. You're 45.
This morning, I set what was a totally reasonable limit but because I'm so conflicted, I set it inappropriately too late. I'm feeling ashamed now.
Part of the problem is that I try to manage all situations in a way that will result in everyone being totally pleased with me at all times. This is patently impossible and often leads to situations where everyone is mildly (or seriously) pissed off at me.
I have to learn to speak my mind earlier.
Am I glad I set the limit this morning? Yes and no. Yes, because it's not unreasonable and it's what I want. No, because I inconvenienced someone who is already experiencing a lot of inconvenience from other sources... and, sadly, most importantly to my infantile impulses, I am now in danger of not being liked as much as I would be if I had not set the limit.
(Even this post is dishonest because I am using it partly to emotionally manipulate the person I inconvenienced.)
Please grow up, TTL. You're 45.
