Hindi for the Agitated

Snake is reading his way through "Teach Yourself Hindi: a Complete Beginner's Course". Most of these beginner language books feature lame dialogues like, "Hello, I'm Mary. Hello, I'm José. Where is the pharmacy? I need to buy prophylactics."

You can sort of picture the sanitized ethnic street where they're standing and imagine their shy student modesty with just a hint of the lust hiding under the surface.

In contrast, the only way to make sense of the following dialogue from "Teach Yourself Hindi" is to imagine that Pramod is a paranoid schizophrenic who has just burst into the family home in a highly agitated state, tie askew, brow covered in vivid, cartoon sweat. His sister, Usha, tries to calm the disoriented man by helping him to recognize his loved ones and, in fact, the everyday objects around them:

Pramod:	Who is that man?!
Usha:	He is Raju. Raju is a student.
Pramod:	I see. Who are those women?!
Usha:	They are Mother and Uma. The tall lady is Mother.
Pramod:	What is this? Is it a book?!
Usha:	No, it's not a book, it's a newspaper.
Pramod:	How many newspapers and books are there here?
Usha:	Here there are nine newspapers and seven books
Pramod:	What are the books like? Are they big?
Usha:	Yes, they are big.

At this point, Usha changes strategy and begins asking the questions of Pramod in an attempt to ground him in the reality of his home.

Usha:	What is that pen like?
Pramod:	This is a red pen. Both these pens are red.
Usha:	How many pencils and pens are there here?
Pramod:	Here there are only two pens and two pencils, that's all.

Yes, Pramod, that's all.

(no subject)

I don't even know how to deal with this. I just walked away (quietly — like a bathroom break) from the Rosh Hashana dinner table because I can't deal with the fact that my mother is going to vote TORY!! because they are offering to fund religious schools. She admits it's wrong that Catholic schools have been getting funding all these years. AND NOW SHE WANTS A PIECE OF THE ACTION FOR THE JEWS!!

I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS. The Tories represent everything that is wrong with the direction of this country, of the developed world. They are the smug banner carriers of the free, freer, freest market — carrying that banner high over their heads as they march us into environmental and social oblivion.

I come from a tradition of secular socialist Jews, fighting for unions, fighting for social justice. And she's going to fucking vote TORY over this issue? The party of Mulroney, Harris and that charlatan Harper.

Shoot me.