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I love the Bed
May. 16th, 2004 11:20 amMy Buby always took pride in the fact that she didn't sleep a lot. "I hate the bed," was one of her mottos. Not me, man. I loves me some bed! I woke up this morning and said, "I'm fat, ugly, stupid, talentless, self-centred and generally awful." So, following dog walks and breakfast, I got back into bed and slept for another hour. Now I'm beautiful and cool. See how good the bed is?
It's been a generally angsty weekend punctuated by points of loveliness. Yesterday, there was frolicking in Christie Pits park with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
redrunner, snowmit, appelle, qwantz and others who may or may not have LJs. I do not discriminate against non-bloggers even if they are not as beautiful and cool as I.
But Snake and I have been snipping at each other and bitching a lot and it really sucks. I drew a picture that didn't work yesterday and that made me feel totally talentless. But the last thing I did before napping this morning was to redraw a pose that hadn't worked, and now I feel better.
As I lay in bed, drifting off to sleep, I realized how hard it is for me to let go and relax and give myself permission to just enjoy life, especially when I'm at home. Also, after feeling quite depressed this morning, going back to sleep awoke fears in me that I would become a chronically depressed person and lose control of my life. This doesn't make sense as I know that control is pretty much an illusion, or at least a temporary state and that illnesses (such as depression) will come whether we fear them or not.
I know that I've found depression in my friends to be quite disturbing. It scares me that life, which already seems so complicated and precarious, could be knocked off the rails so suddenly. It doesn't help that Snake is into a period of saying "We're going to live in poverty when we're old, and universal health care will have collapsed and they'll force us to sell our house and then what?" Of course, that's his shtick; the fact that I'm being triggered by it is not his problem.
Enough. Time to leave the basement. I'm on my way to build a little 18" fence around the vegetable garden to keep Gougou from eating the produce we are planting today. Tomatoes! Basil! Parsley! Cantaloupe! Lemon Verbena! Cilantro!
It's been a generally angsty weekend punctuated by points of loveliness. Yesterday, there was frolicking in Christie Pits park with
redrunner, snowmit, appelle, qwantz and others who may or may not have LJs. I do not discriminate against non-bloggers even if they are not as beautiful and cool as I.But Snake and I have been snipping at each other and bitching a lot and it really sucks. I drew a picture that didn't work yesterday and that made me feel totally talentless. But the last thing I did before napping this morning was to redraw a pose that hadn't worked, and now I feel better.
As I lay in bed, drifting off to sleep, I realized how hard it is for me to let go and relax and give myself permission to just enjoy life, especially when I'm at home. Also, after feeling quite depressed this morning, going back to sleep awoke fears in me that I would become a chronically depressed person and lose control of my life. This doesn't make sense as I know that control is pretty much an illusion, or at least a temporary state and that illnesses (such as depression) will come whether we fear them or not.
I know that I've found depression in my friends to be quite disturbing. It scares me that life, which already seems so complicated and precarious, could be knocked off the rails so suddenly. It doesn't help that Snake is into a period of saying "We're going to live in poverty when we're old, and universal health care will have collapsed and they'll force us to sell our house and then what?" Of course, that's his shtick; the fact that I'm being triggered by it is not his problem.
Enough. Time to leave the basement. I'm on my way to build a little 18" fence around the vegetable garden to keep Gougou from eating the produce we are planting today. Tomatoes! Basil! Parsley! Cantaloupe! Lemon Verbena! Cilantro!
