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Okay. I've been waking up at 4 a.m. again these last few days. I get up, pee, get back in bed and lie there (first I wrote "lay there" but I'm trying to unlearn this mistake) for an hour thinking about every self-hating thought I can and creating panic checklists. Items for this checklist are added incrementally; each time I'm almost asleep I add an item ("OMYGOD! I LOST THE RECEIPT FOR THE BROKEN SHOVEL AND I HAVE TO CONVINCE THEM TO TAKE IT BACK ANYWAY!!") and I start awake all over again.
I thought I would sleep better now that there is no uncertainty about the Fringe, but I still woke up; not quite as panicked, though. I have a lot of decisions to make about how to move forward if I really want to be up on stage singing more, which I believe I do. The quality of last night's insomnia was less dire and I think I'll slide out of it.
I have a day off and, after getting Snake breakfast this morning, I went back to bed and slept again. Wow, that was what I needed. I'm going for a massage soon and that, again, will be a blessing.
This afternoon, I start strategizing. I may do it outloud here.
I'm not devastated about the Fringe anymore, just sad. It would have solved a lot of problems in the short term and given me focus for the next six months.
I thought I would sleep better now that there is no uncertainty about the Fringe, but I still woke up; not quite as panicked, though. I have a lot of decisions to make about how to move forward if I really want to be up on stage singing more, which I believe I do. The quality of last night's insomnia was less dire and I think I'll slide out of it.
I have a day off and, after getting Snake breakfast this morning, I went back to bed and slept again. Wow, that was what I needed. I'm going for a massage soon and that, again, will be a blessing.
This afternoon, I start strategizing. I may do it outloud here.
I'm not devastated about the Fringe anymore, just sad. It would have solved a lot of problems in the short term and given me focus for the next six months.
