Days of Becoming, Chapter 6
Nov. 9th, 2006 01:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
talktoolooseSee, it didn't take so long this time even though it's the longest chapter yet. Oy, is it long. But THRILLS, THRILLS, THRILLS!
As always, bottomless appreciation to my wonderful betas![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kuriatdalmatia and lux_apollo whose care and love awe me. I don't know if you even understand just how much your help means to me.
Here's the chapter!
Here's the DOB homepage for earlier chapters!
Please use the link at the end of the chapter to come back here and comment.
As always, bottomless appreciation to my wonderful betas
kuriatdalmatia and lux_apollo whose care and love awe me. I don't know if you even understand just how much your help means to me.Here's the chapter!
Here's the DOB homepage for earlier chapters!
Please use the link at the end of the chapter to come back here and comment.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-11-09 08:00 pm (UTC)I love the way you portray John, as being both romantic and realistic. It rings absolutely true. And the slow growth of his powers with its unexpected outburst - perfect.
The Bobby parts are great. The training session with Scott and Storm and the flag made me laugh out loud. And I like the idea of Bobby having a crush in Scott and coming to terms (more or less anyway) with liking guys before he really gets to know John.
After these first chapters the fic feels like a very well set stage. I've even grown fond of Andi. I guess it is too early to ask when the next part will be ready?
no subject
Date: 2006-11-10 01:19 pm (UTC)Next chapter? It's going well, especially since the first scene was originally written for chapter 5 but I have to get a good handle on the action for the next three chapters because they are something of an arc.
Before Christmas sounds good.
Thanks for reading.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-09 08:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-09 08:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-10 01:24 pm (UTC)I have a degree of in Eng Lit! I couldn't read a novel for three years after I finished!
I wonder how this novel will stand up to deconstruction when it's done. It's my first novel, after all. I find, as I go along, that events which I considered random when I thought them up are actually forming clear themes and I'm noticing (after the fact) all the parallel scenes I'm writing. Chapter 6 begins and ends with characters leaving authority figures.
Thanks for reading.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-09 10:32 pm (UTC)best chappie I believe
no subject
Date: 2006-11-10 01:26 pm (UTC)Smart readers!
Thanks and nice use of negative space in your icon.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-10 03:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-10 01:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-10 01:27 pm (UTC)Thanks for reading.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-10 06:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-10 01:29 pm (UTC)I hope you're doing okay. Dances with death are always very bittersweet for me. Remember that funerals of celebrations of that person's life and a chance to share memories of them with the living.
Speaking of "Dances with Death," do you know that cycle by Mussorgsky?
EDIT
Date: 2006-11-10 01:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-11 05:02 am (UTC)Two deaths, a breakup and a cat-fight with an ex is just too much at once.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-11 03:24 pm (UTC)Honey, I was seriously not suggesting you go and read the whole story again. I just wanted you to know that your edit was awesome.
Breakup?
no subject
Date: 2006-11-11 08:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-10 07:32 am (UTC)*anxiously waits for more*
no subject
Date: 2006-11-10 01:31 pm (UTC)More on its way but I have tough betas and I like to polish a lot.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-13 11:18 pm (UTC)And I thought Emma was everyone's dream woman.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-14 05:57 pm (UTC)Also...
Date: 2006-11-14 05:58 pm (UTC)Re: Also...
Date: 2006-11-14 06:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-10 10:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-10 01:34 pm (UTC)I'm glad you fun reading! Reading without fun is like, uh, school.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-13 11:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-14 05:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-10 12:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-10 01:42 pm (UTC)Of course, until
I have seen that icon before and it makes me all kinds of happy.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-10 06:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-11 05:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-11 05:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-11 03:25 pm (UTC)Yeah, some of the parallels in the chapter only occurred to me as I was writing. I don't know if I ever wrote Keever's age, but it's the same as Scott's.
Thanks for reading.
Review
Date: 2006-11-12 12:59 am (UTC)Despite the rather angsty themes running through it, I had an obscene amount of fun reading this fic. Giddy, giggly, "oooo! I want to use ones in my review!" sort of happy, and it feels good, man. Real good. I do think that some of the dialogue in chapter 6 is a little cliche. "I thought you loved me," things like that. It's not that much of a problem, because while it's cliche, it's cliche because it's realistic. It threw me out of the flow of the story a little, my mind groaning a little when I read it, but it wasn't hard to dive back in with your wonderful characterizations of both boys. That's one of my favorite things about this story- how well you portray both Bobby and John. While they may not be exactly what we know from canon, they are similar people who have amazing depth. I was a little apprehensive of a story that had Pyro cast as boy-toy for a drug lord and Bobby caught in a screwed up family, but I was thrilled when I found myself hungrily searching out the 'next' button after every chapter. I felt hurt and bereft when we met Jean, and I felt empowered and delightfully chilled when John charred Nykkotine (excuse me if I spelled it incorrectly).
You managed to suck me in, though some of the plot raises a speculative eyebrow. I can't wait for the next chapter! Very good work!
Re: Review
Date: 2006-11-13 11:23 pm (UTC)Re: Review
Date: 2006-11-14 01:40 am (UTC)Re: Review
Date: 2006-11-14 01:41 am (UTC)Re: Review
Date: 2006-11-14 06:08 pm (UTC)Re: Review
Date: 2006-11-14 06:07 pm (UTC)Hmm, I may not have got the "I thought you loved me" moment right. John would never say that under normal circumstances. At that moment, after extreme emotional duress and feeling of abandonment, his powers go into overdrive and he enters what seems almost like a fugue state. He is totally emotionally detached from everything around him but the joy of the flame. When he says the line to Keever, he has no walls or artifice at all.
Then he collapses and "resets".
As to the boys departing from canon: I am endeavouring to make the characters completely true to what I saw in the movies. This is working better for Bobby than John. My John is definitely influenced by other writers in this fandom. If I had only ever seen the movie, John would be less of a romantic and not nearly as smart. His writing is a nod to comicsverse. Romance novels? Just wait.
The bad-ass Pyro we see emerge in X2 and flower in X3 is a new side of his personality which will develop when it must in my novel. The scene in X2 where he fries the police cars is very interesting. It's like he's trying on his merciless killer personality for the first time. I don't believe it's his default state at all.
Thanks for reading!
no subject
Date: 2006-11-13 11:16 pm (UTC)"Professor Rotenberg was had been her teacher and mentor for five..."
"the Professor’s excellent Darjeeling tea served to some of the edge off Andi’s anxiety"
Otherwise? Well done!
no subject
Date: 2006-11-14 06:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-15 04:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-15 02:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-03 02:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-03 04:56 pm (UTC)Is this Chris?
no subject
Date: 2007-01-07 11:35 pm (UTC)I am going to hold you to that.
Chris