Nurtured

[talktooloose]

snowmit is in Toronto! I took him out for Korean food last night and told him all my dilemmas around trying to build a life as an artist. In a nutshell, it comes down to overcoming self-defeating fear. He spent the next 30 minutes telling me why I should totally be going for all my goals because I can accomplish them or at least have fun trying. He also said amazing things to me about why I have distinct advantage over others in that I've already accomplished things in my life. I've finished projects.

It's true: I've recorded three CDs, written and mounted musicals, finished a basement. I now take this for granted but he reminds me that young guys like him (he's 24) might suspect that they can accomplish wonderful things, but have yet to do that much. Knowing that you can finish a project relieves a lot of mental angst that can derail a project before it's done.

So, this morning I knocked off the four-page comic book script I've been turning over in my head and sent it off to redrunner who had expressed interest in working on something with me.

I also got off the final round of changes on the book contract me and my sister are signing with a publisher and we're all on the same page now. So! I'm designing, illustrating and laying out a school book this summer as well as recording tracks for the accompanying CD.

Next, I'm going to work up a 20 minute guitar/voice set and perform it, as a first step, over a lunch hour to my office.

This sudden wind in my sails comes on the heels of a lot of depression around these issues -- a depression I will no doubt visit again. But, damn! it sure helps to get some nurturing from a good friend.

Comments

Inspiration

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

Awesome. This experience can be viewed as an elegant demonstration of the way positive energy multiplies. If my friend had said, "Yeah, it's a tough world out there and you have to be connected or rich to get anywhere," I would have had confirmation of my worst fears and stopped. Instead, I'm moving forward and the energy is travelling to you. From you, who knows where it will flow.

Love is the only true source of clean, unlimited, renewable energy.

Re: Inspiration

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Your friend's hypothetical response is the kind of thing that has surrounded and stalled me for most of my life. I'm learning to identify with friends who say yes to my wildest ideas.

Your statement about love got my attention. What a positive, healthy thing to say!

Were you, by any chance, at the Black Eagle between 6 and 7 pm on Monday? There was a guy there who looks a lot like you, who I have seen many times. He was an arm's length away and caught my eye several times but was with a group of friends so I was too shy to approach. But I was entertained.

It sounds like I'll be hitting Toronto again with my friend Jon on Saturday night. We'll probably make a few stops; one of them will likely be 5ive.

I hope we get a chance to meet sometime.

Re: Inspiration

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

I say that about love because I have found it to be true over and over.

I was not at the Eagle. I have not, surprisingly enough, ever been at the Eagle, though I have friends who spend a lot of time there.

Bars aren't my natural milieu. I don't like loud music except when I've gone somewhere to watch someone make it (or I've gone to dance) and we tend to go to bed by 11:OO, at which point bars are just rubbing the sleep from their eyes. I like the sound of the small town bar you described a few weeks ago.

I would like to meet you sometime, though this Saturday won't work. It's Snake and my 15th anniversary and we'll be doing something.

Re: Inspiration

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I'm sure I would quickly tire of the bar scene if I lived close to it. But I enjoy being surrounded by gay men once in a while. Out here we rarely have that kind of venue. And I must admit I'm a night owl.

Congratalations to you and Snake!

I'll let you know next time I visit the city and maybe we can go for a coffee.