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Oct. 27th, 2010 08:19 amThis made me very happy:
He's trying so hard and he's so cute.
He's trying so hard and he's so cute.
Oct. 27th, 2010
All Angsty with a Balsamic Vinaigrette
Oct. 27th, 2010 02:00 pmI must admit, I've had better times than I'm having now, but I seem to be swimming on top of the shit which I'm proud of.
I guess I've decided to attack a bunch of major problems in life all at once; or perhaps they insisted the time was now.
There's my atrial fibrillation, which I've been blogging about. The new higher dosage of the beta blocker is producing a marginally better result, though I still had two long bouts of fibrillation this week. I'm not deeply impressed.
The other thing I decided to do was look for a therapist. It is time to finally deal with the fact that I spend an inordinate amount of time gripped by anxiety, guilt, and doubt. I realize that what I've learned to do over the years is get on with life despite the discomfort these emotions engender. But in order to do that, I have to use a lot of energy, waste a lot of time and endure a lot of negative internal crap, while simultaneously driving my loved-ones crazy.
The fact that I had to prove to myself I could handle my life before I undertook to make it better is a testament to my stubbornness and machismo.
So far, I've done initial interviews with two therapists and I may try another before choosing. The unfortunate result of beginning this process has been to give myself permission to start feeling a lot of crap I've kept down with my oh-so-manly tough-guy ways (Thtop it! I am THO macho!) So this week, I've been walking around intermittently fibrillating AND depressed. Plus my right knee hurts and I twisted my left ankle last night.
I mean, FUCK!
I guess I've decided to attack a bunch of major problems in life all at once; or perhaps they insisted the time was now.
There's my atrial fibrillation, which I've been blogging about. The new higher dosage of the beta blocker is producing a marginally better result, though I still had two long bouts of fibrillation this week. I'm not deeply impressed.
The other thing I decided to do was look for a therapist. It is time to finally deal with the fact that I spend an inordinate amount of time gripped by anxiety, guilt, and doubt. I realize that what I've learned to do over the years is get on with life despite the discomfort these emotions engender. But in order to do that, I have to use a lot of energy, waste a lot of time and endure a lot of negative internal crap, while simultaneously driving my loved-ones crazy.
The fact that I had to prove to myself I could handle my life before I undertook to make it better is a testament to my stubbornness and machismo.
So far, I've done initial interviews with two therapists and I may try another before choosing. The unfortunate result of beginning this process has been to give myself permission to start feeling a lot of crap I've kept down with my oh-so-manly tough-guy ways (Thtop it! I am THO macho!) So this week, I've been walking around intermittently fibrillating AND depressed. Plus my right knee hurts and I twisted my left ankle last night.
I mean, FUCK!