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Fire Arcade
Mar. 12th, 2007 04:54 pmJust to be clear, the mojo mentioned in this post was a writing one. I had finally pulled my chapter into shape and I was adding a framing device. I needed a certain something to get a point across and it jumped from my fingers fully formed. I felt invincible!
I was less than invincible last night at 4 a.m. I had a dream that involved fire and as soon as that happens, I'm in trouble. I was in a fire 20 years ago and it kind of stays with you.
I awoke wondering what would happen if the house suddenly caught fire for real. I was making plans for running down the stairs to rescue the dog, imagining windows I would have to smash in with my feet, imagining taking deep breaths and finding my way blind through the smoke to unlock the three bolts on the back door and willing panic to stay away, trying not to get turned around in the pitch blackness with an unconscious 50 lb. dog in my arms.
The problem with these half-awake imaginings is that you aren't conscious enough to just slap yourself and say, "go back to sleep". I only escaped my fire fantasies by starting to freak out about an old acquaintance I had just met. I imagined justifying my last 20 years to her and it all seemed so thin, so desperate and so inadequate.
This segued into half-awake imaginings of being fired from my job, complete with mad dashes to wipe my personal files from my computer before they took away my access.
All in all, 90 minutes of sleep were lost and I'm a bit punchy today. So, so silly.
What I should do in those cases is get up, take a blanket and a book and go down to the living room. There I should turn on the light and read until I'm sleepy again at which point I would finish the night on the couch.
Just so silly.
I was less than invincible last night at 4 a.m. I had a dream that involved fire and as soon as that happens, I'm in trouble. I was in a fire 20 years ago and it kind of stays with you.
I awoke wondering what would happen if the house suddenly caught fire for real. I was making plans for running down the stairs to rescue the dog, imagining windows I would have to smash in with my feet, imagining taking deep breaths and finding my way blind through the smoke to unlock the three bolts on the back door and willing panic to stay away, trying not to get turned around in the pitch blackness with an unconscious 50 lb. dog in my arms.
The problem with these half-awake imaginings is that you aren't conscious enough to just slap yourself and say, "go back to sleep". I only escaped my fire fantasies by starting to freak out about an old acquaintance I had just met. I imagined justifying my last 20 years to her and it all seemed so thin, so desperate and so inadequate.
This segued into half-awake imaginings of being fired from my job, complete with mad dashes to wipe my personal files from my computer before they took away my access.
All in all, 90 minutes of sleep were lost and I'm a bit punchy today. So, so silly.
What I should do in those cases is get up, take a blanket and a book and go down to the living room. There I should turn on the light and read until I'm sleepy again at which point I would finish the night on the couch.
Just so silly.
