Control

I've not updated at all lately. My life feels like a very thin-skinned balloon that is full to bursting. It's sort of like having to pee really badly but having to hold it while you finish tying down the Tasmanian Devil that somehow got into your kitchen.

Writing journal entries — personal ones anyway — is always a letting go for me, a slicing of the skin and, well, given the above imagery, that could be messy. What's actually under the surface in the last weeks is a constant morass of panic and anger. I could write about it, but I've discovered that giving it too much voice isn't helping me. What's helping is realizing that just because I don't have the power to control all the events in my life now doesn't mean I'm, in fact, powerless.

Also, I've been busy as fuck. So there.

I feel like I'm not being there for some friends right now. painglass, I'm reading and mentally holding your hand through this trying period. kuriadalmatia I will be your beta again when you recreate the corrupted file. Right now, I'm making my life very small and focussed. I'm exercising what control I have and letting go the illusion that I control the rest.

Sly

I've been using the word "sly" a lot lately.

For instance, in the otherwise painful Batman Begins, Gary Oldman gives a sly performance as Gordon, filling the screen with humour, strength and pathos with the mildest crease of his eyebrows and prowling with an inquisitive slump to his spine.

For instance, in All Tomorrow's Parties, William Gibson slyly unveils the book's miraculous payoff moment through the eyes of someone for whom the event holds no awe or even significance.

It's all very pleasantly "heh".