Weak End

It was a very social Labour Day weekend which distracted me from my complete and utter devastation any time I thought about the book.

A friend from Vermont was staying with us and on Saturday, snowmit and redrunner, who are also his friends, had a party in his honour which included a midnight sojourn in the Christie Pits playground on a great jungle gym and saucer swings.

On Sunday, the Vermonter, me, Snake and Tutu met up with more friends on the nude beach at Hanlon's Point. I'm glad the air show was grounded that day due to fog; it always makes me feel like the city is under seige. So we got to enjoy the last of summer without being buzzed and strafed.

Gougou loved his time on the beach and swam more than ever before. He looks like a little beaver when he swims. And there I was, out in Lake Ontario naked, when redrunner shows up in a cute little two-piece bathing suit with a cute, hippyish red-bearded friend of hers. I was feeling a little awkward being naked in front of her until she reminded me of weekend gatherings where I and others had been naked a fair bit.

It's funny how unself-conscious I am about my body in general. It's only in the morning when I'm kind of depressed and I look in the mirror that I see a fat, old man. But on a sunny summer day on the beach? I couldn't care less what people think. I was even cruised a few times. It's only really important that they like your dog, that's what I say.

Yesterday morning, before our guest left, I got an object lesson (I'm not sure what that means, actually) in humility. First of all, as he whined in detail about people at work (whom I don't know, of course), I realized how boring I must be going on and on and on and on about my bitch editor. He asked to see the book and I proudly brought out the latest laser prints. As he went through the pages happily, we began a discussion about talent and creativity which allowed me to say my humble things about talent really being about obsession as opposed to some innate superiority. I can write a song and draw a picture because I am sufficiently obsessed to have spent thousands and thousands of hours learning these skills and solving those puzzles.

Then, he turned to the plagues page and humble TTL waited for him to gasp in wonder at the sheer beauty. Instead, he decided it was the time to assert his own creativity by reciting a prayer he had composed. It was a long prayer. A very, very long prayer. In front of him, ignored on the table sat all my hard-fought loveliness and inside me, childish voices screamed, "It's not fair!! This is my time to be admired!!" But I slowed my breathing, looked at him and focussed as intently as possible on his words.

Ahh, so many lessons to learn.

But, really. She is awful. Just a mega-bitch. She's making my life hell.