Careful

[talktooloose]

I sometimes suspect that I don't really know what it means to be a friend; that instead I'm just so needy that I will present whatever face you need to see to make you like me.

And if I ever misjudge that, god help me.

It is possible that I'm a hollow entity and that if you call my bluff, I will deflate.

Comments

[goodall.livejournal.com]

All I know is that you never added me to your friends list as a friend.

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

Zing!

Bring it on, world!

Who's next?

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

Also, your comment confuses me. I know my post was narcissistic and self-pitying and it was prompted by a dark moment when I was accused of hurting someone I think of as a friend. But your comment seemed bitchy and self-pitying in return. This is not the first time you've expressed the frustration about my not having friended you. Do you proposed to bully or guilt me into it? Do you think that I somehow owe you this?

I've enjoyed some of our exchanges in my journal but I will choose whom to "friend" and I will choose my own reasons for it.

[goodall.livejournal.com]

You don't owe me a thing, other than an honest explanation. It is up to me whether I choose to accept it or not.

I will accept the following explanations for not being friended:

1. Immaturity;
2. Boastfulness;
3. Judgemental posts;
4. Lack of connection/interest in posts;
5. Disagreement with opinions in posts.

I will readily accept any of those.

Otherwise it's bullshit. If only you knew me in real life...you would be missing out on a very nice friend for coming up with your own reasons not to be one.

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

No, actually, I owe you nothing by way of explanation. LJ is an open place where you can friend anyone whose life you are interested in. They, in turn, have ways to make posts only to those people whom they are interested in having read them. You chose to friend me but that does not mean I am obliged to friend you nor offer you an explanation for that choice.

To be frank, my choices are somewhat arbitrary and instinctive.

I find your choice of wording strange: "You...owe me...an honest explanation... I will accept the following explanations..." Do you want these in triplicate and what is my deadline for submission?

Perhaps if we met in real life we'd become friends. As it is, we're online acquaintances and up until now it's been a perfectly civil arrangement. But you know what, a very long-term online acquaintance wrote today in his journal that unless we have spent time together in real-life and talked in depth, "you don't really know me." I have to agree. It is, I think, presumptuous to call him my "friend" as I have in the past and it has been presumptuous for me to write things to him at a level of intimacy that we don't really share.

And I don't appreciate being told I am inadequate for not spending more time with someone at a party where there are already hundreds of cool people, some of whom are near and dear to me. THERE JUST ISN'T TIME NOR WILL TO HANG WITH EVERYONE. End of story.

This is a cocktail party, not a family.

[goodall.livejournal.com]

I appreciate your definition of LJ as a cocktail party. That tells me a lot, and has given me something to think about.

My use of LJ is much different from yours. A lot of the things that I write here are things that I can't share with my real-time family and friends. My LJ friends can comment or take it with a grain of salt as they please. For the most part, we added each other simultaneously, as an act of good will.

There are some other people on my LJ friends list who didn't friend me. In one case, I didn't ask (because of certain industry connections that he may have) and in another case, this particular person has not surfaced for years, but still has an undeleted journal. So it's hard for me to understand why you wouldn't, other than lack of interest. By your first paragraph, you noted a lack of interest in my LJ, which I can accept. And as you have a lack of interest in my LJ, then there is no reason why I should maintain interest in yours. I wish you well.

[mofic.livejournal.com]

Please don't deflate. Can I say that I think your icons are absolutely brilliant and you're a totally wonderful beta?

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

Ahh, the sweet balm of fanfic love! I just get tired of hearing myself grandstand sometimes and begin to wonder who I'm doing it for.

Also, I came up zeros in the Jewish/Queer geography game. I'm just not "community-oriented" enough, I think.

[mofic.livejournal.com]

That's okay. I didn't really want you to know my ex. Or at least not to know and like her...

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

However, I did hide out in this secret cabin in Huntsville...

And what is that? A capybara?

[mofic.livejournal.com]

However, I did hide out in this secret cabin in Huntsville...

Nice, isn't it?

A capybara?

Yes, isn't it cute?

[rfmcdpei.livejournal.com]

I won't call yours if you won't call mine.

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Your reply made me smile and stopped me cold in its simple wisdom.

[rfmcdpei.livejournal.com]

So you won't expose the black void lying at my very heart, then?

Ahem.

I distinguish between narcississm and concern, myself. It's a valid and important distinction.

[dubious-one.livejournal.com]

i empathize.

[painglass.livejournal.com]

I feel like that sometimes too.

[nyahnyahnyah.livejournal.com]

Dude, you call me on my shit all the time. I dig it :)

Is anyone ever consistent?

[rcornelius.livejournal.com]

Goodness, I often feel the same way about myself. That I can be all things to all people -- or at least all things to most people. But then we both know that there are limits to that and that everyone has a natural stopping point.

It's all about the JOHARI window. :)

Re: Is anyone ever consistent?

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

Oh, fine. Make me RESEARCH, why don't ya?

Hmm, that looks interesting.

Re: Is anyone ever consistent?

[rcornelius.livejournal.com]

:-)

This is the best link for understanding what the Johari window is this one:

http://www.businessballs.com/johariwindowmodel.htm

Basically, it says that there are 4 aspects of people.

[briseur.livejournal.com]

Funny, I often envy the breadth of your charm. Had never concieved that you might construe it as a liability.
Will you be in town/available to hang if I show up the third weekend in July?

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

So, is charm a legitimate expression of a variable personality or the right hooey for the right occassion? I suspect the answer is less important than it seemed when I made the post.

Mostly, at the moment of posting, I was afraid I'd lost a friend and I may have (and I don't mean Goodall, btw). Therefore, my charm-head said that I was a failure.

Third week of July? I have no plans to escape the city at that juncture. I will likely be working days Monday through Wednesday. Of course, I'm not the only source of charm in Toronto.

[briseur.livejournal.com]

I'm not the only source of charm in Toronto.

No, but it would beb silly to go there & not see you.

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

Oh, of course! I want to see you and hang with you. I'm just telling you my usual work schedule. That and drawing two pages of a comic book every week.

[(Anonymous)]

Can I stay chez toi a week from Saturday night? And would it be possible for you & me to share a bed on such an occasion?

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

Lord! You resurrected this thread after a month!

Yes and yes. How long will you be in town? We will be leaving on vacation Tuesday morning, heading somewhere norther than Toronto to go canoeing and camping.

That is assuming this is briseur... It's an anonymous comment. I'd hate to think I just invited, like, DP to share my bed or something.