Crash Course in Disability Issues

[talktooloose]

Yikes, I'm a disabled person, navigating the city on crutches! And there's a lot of insight in the process.

The TTC (Toronto Transit Commission) slaps an innocent sign on my bus stop which reads "This stop not in use. Please use stop at Dupont." I have to hobble a block in the heat and I'm drenched in sweat, the crutch bruises under my arms and on my palms aching. I then have to get through the thing that has been scaring me since last night: climbing up the three steps into the bus, thus slowing up the morning commute for all the passengers.

The driver is a sweet Jamaican man who tells me just to flag him down at the regular bus stop tomorrow. I had thought of this but realized, somewhat helplessly, that I could not count on the driver breaking TTC rules to do that, and that if he didn't stop, I would be shit out of luck for 30 minutes. So I hobbled. You can't count on people's goodwill because the consequences of the absence of that goodwll are serious.

Just like the consequences of taking the subway the wrong way for one stop yesterday; that small mistake took a lot of physical energy to correct. I'm getting good at thinking of these things in advance. Before I begin the arduous process of climbing a flight of stairs, I really think about anything else I might need on that floor. Because I can't just run quickly back down for it like I could on Monday.

I'm also learning to ask for things. I asked the driver of the St. Clair bus to make an unscheduled stop in front of my office and he did. I asked a colleague to fill up my water glass for me because without a sealable bottle and something to clip it to, I can't bring water to my desk.

These little insights are shocking but fascinating. Mostly the process of dealing with my injury has been kind of fascinating and I'm in a pretty good mood. But then once or twice I've stopped suddenly and said to myself, "What if it never gets better again? What if I am actually a disabled person now?" And a black pit of terror opens under me.

Comments

[a-trick-mind.livejournal.com]

Welcome to the world of physical disability. You will find that many places are not really handicap accessible, even if some think they are. Learn to ask for assistance when needed and accept the good will and assistance others offer. Some people rail against it but that serves no purpose. If someone volunteers to bring you water or coffee when you need it, just say "Yes, thanks."

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

a) thank you for the good advice

b) it is actually bringing a tear to my eye to have you commenting here. Six months ago I thought we were going to lose you.

I wish us both speedy healing and I won't begin to compare my minor inconvenience to what you are going through.

[a-trick-mind.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Six months ago and a couple times after I was nearly history. I can never thank Rick enough for holding me together.

Don't sell your own physical problem short. That is when the trouble starts. :)

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

Yes. Of course, my desire to sell it short is the above-mentioned pit of terror. I'm not ready to not bicycle, hike, dance, run, etc. anymore.

[mentalmakeup.livejournal.com]

This black pit of terror is something I'm familiar with. It's why I'm so dismissive of my own pain a lot of the time. I'll shriek and stumble, and someone will ask what's wrong, and I'll say, "Oops, just dislocated something, no worries, it'll pop back in a moment" and they look horrified and I scoff, because if I don't scoff I have to think about the fact that I'm constantly afraid it won't pop back this time. That my body is crumbling. I went through that a lot when I injured my ankle, but also when I dislocate my hip, shoulder, etc... if I rested completely every time I hurt myself I would never do anything, but I don't really know wwhat I should and shouldn't do.

When I dislocated my hip last, I cried with the roommates a bit, and was terrified that it had happened just by lying down, and what if it never got right again. And it did, and I was happy to bike again. But yesterday on my way to work, I listened to an interview on Radio 1 with this guy who is a quadriplegic, and a mountain climber. Like yeah, ok, he has to take a couple of sherpas, but he does it.

This is the after-work daze ramble. I just wanted you to know I know what you're talking about, and it's gonna be ok.

[briseur.livejournal.com]

What is the cause of these frequent dislocations?
Frequent Dislocations should be a rock n roll band, or a travellogue novel or website.

[mentalmakeup.livejournal.com]

I have this fun little congenital disease called Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. Basically, it means that my tendons are very stretchy and elastic, and in some places overly long. A lot of contortionists have something similar. Luckily, I have the mild kind that doesn't shorten my life span or make my skin stretch out infinitely or anything. Also it means I am very flexible.