talktooloose: (naked_sword)
I seem to losing my ability to have anonymous, casual sex. In the past, I've been able to let down barriers with sympatico strangers much more easily. But lately, unless I get to know someone, I have trouble connecting with my sexual nature. I don't know how much non-sexual foreplay I require — meeting someone at a party, chatting and flirting for a few hours might be fine. But, in general, everything in my life is more and more about process. Sometimes it seems like anything worthwhile takes months, including certain sexual goals. There is mental process, physical process, emotional process. And then it's out of this world, or an amazing new world of sensation.

But it's kind of frustrating that I'm getting more complicated with age.
talktooloose: (naked_sword)
Ecchhhh. Having a hard day. My friend's surgery, the election results… it's all getting to me this morning. Ah well, days like this are usually better by mid-afternoon.

Have you heard the new Paul Simon album? I really like it. Here's a live version of the most fun track, "The Afterlife."

talktooloose: (naked_sword)
We stumbled across this movie by accident and didn't expect it to be as terrific as it was. Wonderfully heartfelt, suspenseful, humane movie with surprising turns. A movie about finding compassion in adversity, rather than being destroyed by it.

(BTW, although it has its tense moments, this is not a thriller; it's a drama. I hate it when they market films wrong, just hoping to make a few extra bucks.)

talktooloose: (Saints in Love)
Yes, it was a grand spectacle full of tradition, but remember, if she doesn't bear a male heir within two years, they behead her in the Tower of London.
talktooloose: (Master_no)
I've been fuming for the last two years about the temp proofer we had at work for a few days in 2009 who was a ridiculous climate-change skeptic. Her argument that man-made climate change can't exist? "It's hubris to think that we humans are powerful enough to affect something as bit as the CLIMATE! I mean, what hubris!" I pointed out to her that we mere humans were able to bring the mastodon over the edge of extinction 10,000 years ago.

Since then, I've learned that climate warming caused by the agricultural revolution (that's agricultural, not industrial) probably stopped another ice age from coming. We humans are clever (or at least busy) little beavers and very capable of affecting natural processes, and it's not even something new.

So, she's back to work here for a few days, and I'm going to be OH SO PROFESSIONAL and say nothing about it. And while I've smiled and offered to answer any questions, I can't find it in myself to be as welcoming to her as I am to most temps.

This is probably a failing in me.
talktooloose: (fucktard)
Analog thinking dies hard in the digital age. I've lately come across two examples of this.

1: At work, I built a web page for a study we're conducting. The lead researcher wanted more space after the title and asked me to put in a CARRIAGE RETURN.

2: A man on the radio invited people to come to his web page where they could read more info and DOWNLOAD VIDEO TAPES.

Dark Water

Apr. 17th, 2011 01:11 pm
talktooloose: (jdevil)
We were in the mood for a ghost story, so we rented "Dark Water." Good direction, great location (spooky apartment on Roosevelt Island) and good actors (Pete Postlethwaite! John C. Reilley!) But they lost their nerve and didn't end it right.

Apparently, it is based on a Japanese novel/movie. I wonder how that one played out.

If anyone wants to know how it should have ended, ask me.
talktooloose: (crestfallen_sidekick)
Corbin Fisher wants to make money off the gay community, but feels no responsibility for hurting people in the community. For those who don't know this story, the porn producer is going after 40,000 alleged torrent downloaders of his videos. Skipping for the moment the ethical tarpit of his creating BAREBACKING videos in the first place, Fisher is unrepentant about the fact that his lawsuit may out at-risk gay teens whose parents will suddenly receive a legal notice of the suit for $25,000. The video below highlights the very real dangers to these youths, whom Fisher has referred to as "theiving little shits."

talktooloose: (yaoi itai)
Oh boy, it's an insecure day. I have been engaged in a debate on Facebook where my position differs from others'. I brought it up with a co-worker and he was also against my position. But the more I spoke it out, the more I believed what I was saying, even though I could sympathize with the other side.

Simultaneously, I am doing a contentious design for a new chart-type at work, and even though the criticism my early designs are receiving is a normal part of the process, it's leaving me feeling vulnerable.

Conflict scares me, even when it's the kind of conflict that is potentially constructive. The idea that people won't like me anymore feels all too real.

So... breathe, name the problem. Hold the hand of the scared boy inside and assure him that this conflict is a normal part of the adult world, and it's not a threat to him.

(More on the scared boy golem later.)
talktooloose: (fucktard)
Last night, we watched the 2004 movie, "A Home at the End of the World," based on the Michael Cunningham novel.

The first half hour is so luminous and magical that it makes the rest of the incomprehensible exercise in wrongheadedness maddening in the extreme. In fact, the only things that kept me going during that last annoying hour were Colin Farrell's eyes (which I could stare at all night) and wondering if Robin Wright Penn was ever able to exact revenge on the hair and makeup department.

Shameless

Mar. 21st, 2011 05:31 pm
talktooloose: (Saints in Love)
We just discovered the British comedy-drama, "Shameless." I found it while doing one of my YouTube searches for shows with recurring gay characters. The show, about a family living in a subsidized housing estate in Manchester, dates back to 2004 and is now in its 8th season.

I hadn't realized at that point that an American reboot of the show had started back in January starring the wonderful character actor William H. Macy. I downloaded the first ep of the American version and we watched it on Saturday. Uh... great actors and design and scenes. But something was really wrong. YouTube had the entire first ep of the UK series, so we compared it. The American pilot was almost identical, scene for scene (even some dialogue) but it just didn't work, whereas the UK version totally sparkled.

I think the problem is that a show about the poor in the UK is fundamentally different than one in America. First of all, any cultural translation must be rethought from the ground up, not just transplanted. But what are the differences? Perhaps it is the long-standing, acknowledged class system in Britain. The family in Manchester and their friends and neighbours have a unique sense of pride in their working class identity. American urban poverty is much more steeped in a sense of cultural shame, partly because of the myth of America as a classless society. If you're poor, it's because you're lazy or not taking advantage of all the amazing opportunities. Any little boy can grow up to be POTUS, etc.

Nothing in the American pilot rung true; which is a shame, since a lot of hard work clearly went into it. Meanwhile, even though Snake can only understand about 60% of the UK version with its thick Mancunian dialect (I get about 85%!), we're going to rent the rest of season 1.

Here's the first ep.
talktooloose: (naked_sword)
We find wisdom where we need it. While I can't call myself a Ricky Martin fan (I don't actually know any song other than "La Vida Loca"), I found a necessary pearl of wisdom as I was leafing through his memoir at the supermarket. In fact, I had to wait three months on the library queue to get the book and copy the words down:
Deep down I guess I have always know that I was gay, but I still spent many years trying to hide it, even from myself. Ever since I can remember I have felt a strong attraction to men, and though I can say I have also felt a strong attraction to and chemistry with women, it is a man who ultimately awakens my most instinctual, animal self. It is with a man that I can feel myself truly come alive, where I can find the love and passion I seek in a relationship. But I spent a lot of time resisting what I felt.
- Ricky Martin, Me

The key words for me there are "…it is a man who ultimately awakens my most instinctual, animal self." It seems kind of obvious, but I am becoming aware of just how much I deny the existence of my animal self—how afraid I am to let my body speak and to trust its wisdom. It's been speaking loudly of late, and I'm trying to listen and to get my controlling brain out of its way.

Bonus for friends only: I'll post a new song lyric later today that addresses this issue.
talktooloose: (monkey_man)
I’m 48 today. In the Chinese zodiac, this is the Year of the Rabbit—the same as when I was born—which makes it a cardinal year. I’ve known it was coming for a while, and perhaps that has informed the life changes I’ve been pursuing in the last six months or so. I don’t want to put pressure on myself to make this a year of years, but I do want to use the milestone to strive more for the life I want.

Musings on life )

Beverage

Mar. 8th, 2011 11:49 am
talktooloose: (glam batgirl)
Answer: "A retro-celebrity coffee beverage."

Question: "What is a Ralph Macchiato?"
talktooloose: (naked_sword)
Wow, how's this for a brilliant menu page?

The site is not work safe, but the menu is.
talktooloose: (slam_naked)
I’m listening for the millionth time to Me’shell Ndegéocello’s album, “Cookie: the Anthropological Mixtape” and I’m again blown away on so many levels. It is such a magnificent balance of the intellectual and the sensual. It is her most radically political album as well as her most graphically and intrinsically sexual. It ranges from intense R&B hip-hop to richly, spare poetic tracks. And I’m learning so much about space in her mixes.

talktooloose: (glam batgirl)
Not kidding; actual ad:

So I'm white and amazingly straight acting. In fact I'm so straight acting that nobody can tell that I'm into guys. You can imagine the challenges for picking up dudes. 

I want another guy who is straight acting, white, and my age or younger. 

- We could go to a sports event and 'accidentally' touch each other when nobody's watching. 
- We could walk down the street and nobody would realize we're going back to your place to sleep together 
- We could take an elevator together - and when the last person gets off - they wouldn't suspect that we would be making out as soon as the door closed. 
- We could go to an action movie, sit in the back row, and hold hands. 

Generally, signs of straight acting include, but are not limited to: interest in sports, regular fitting pants, baseball caps, little-to-no jewelery, one tone hair colour, regular-paced walking, other male friends, running shoes, pauses between sentences, limited piercings, calmness, and an active nature in the bedroom. 

Ideally... I want a best friend who likes to play. I'd mostly describe myself as bisexual because I'm also attracted to girls. Just... guys are hot too, you know?
talktooloose: (puppy_jump)
We decided it was time to record Klondike's athletic prowess for posterity.

talktooloose: (I See!)
I just looked through the list of movies we watched this year (yes, I keep such a list) and these were the ones that made the biggest impression on me. I don't guarantee they were all released in 2010 because I'm not a marketing department. Here they are in the (approximate) order we saw them:

1. The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. Best Terry Gilliam film since Brazil and more satisfying than that classic. The only problem was unavoidable... Heath Ledger wasn't alive to film his character's denouement, But Colin Farrel did a good job standing in.

2. Plein Sud. Dreamy, sad film we saw at the Inside Out Festival, by the director of Come Undone (Presque Rien). A young man travels south with his late father's gun, possibly to kill himself after he meets his mother. Along the way, he picks up brother and sister hitchhikers. The relationships are all tenuous and suggestive and fascinating.

3. A Single Man. Stunning at almost every level. I am of the opinion that the ending is perfect, though others disagree. Julianne Moore is just getting better and better.

4. Gommorha. The most amazing organized crime film I've ever seen. About the Camorah (sp?) crime syndicate in Naples. Violent, darkly funny. A vision of societal apocolypse. Wonderfully constructed.

5. I Am Love. Warning: Snake thought it was pretentious. Tilda Swinton in a classic Italian clan drama. Deeply romantic and affecting.

6. Riding Alone for Thousands of Miles. Zhang Yimou directs the story of a Japanese father, estranged from his adult son. The son is very ill in hospital and the only way the father can reach out to him is to travel to China on the son's behalf to finish filming the son's documentary on Chinese opera singers. The journey to reach his son takes him thousands of miles away from him.

7. Frozen. A very simple horror/suspense that is true to its premise throughout. Very effective and literally chilling.

8. Welcome. Having walked from Iran to France, a 17-year old boy cannot sneak over to England to be reunited with his girlfriend, so he decides he will train to swim the channel. The boy's quest becomes the raison d'etre for a French swim coach. Incredible indictment of the treatment of refugees in Calais. Beautiful, touching film.

9. Greenberg. Noah Baumbach directs the anti-Woody Allen film. Ben Stiller is brilliant in a part that shows that it's not as much to be the neurotic Jewish anti-hero as Woody makes it seem. A testament to seeing the true person behind their ticks.

10. Splice. From the brilliant director of Cube, a genius horror movie that is not about the hubris of corporate genetic engineering, but about generational child abuse. The film is smart enough to wink at its own premise before it gets down to its true metaphorical purpose. The acting is uniformly excellent and the effects very satisfying.

Honourable mentions to Ondine, Happy-Go-Lucky, The Kids Are All Right, Mongol, and the Silence of Lorna.

Worst thing we saw: The Road.

Most over-the-top-omg-wtfweretheysmoking? bad film: The Box.
talktooloose: (slam_naked)
I am always intriqued by the solstices and revel in the bright one and the dark one. I thought this, one of the shortest days of the year, would be a good time for some higher-level updating.

My life feels both satisfying and peculiar these days. I continue to struggle with my atrial fibrillation. The new drug is hit and miss, but I suspect the recent spate of thumpty-bumpty is stress related, possibly due to the fact that we're really kicking hornet's nests in my therapy.

It's almost comical to observe myself in sessions as I practically play the contortionist to avoid subjects, even as I babble a continuous stream of denial about the importance of the subject that is making me writhe like a worm. The sessions are, I think, very good, but they are leaving me in a very heightened, touchy and kind of manic state over the last while.

Perhaps it is this different state which has kicked me utterly out of the fiction groove and deeply back into music-making. When I'm recording, I can use that manic energy and noisy brain to productive purpose, jumping from performance questions, to engineerings considerations, to lyric fixes all within a five-minute period. Writing fiction, in contrast, requires single-mindedness and the ability to sit still and be quiet. Not going to happen anytime soon.

I should be able to post a new "videosong" on YouTube by the new year.

I am very grateful for the return of the bass guitar to my life and I'm impressed with the groove-solid playing I've been doing. There is nothing like the solid massiveness of the bass and the tones its produces. In my old duo, I used to play bass and sing lead, a combination that works very well for me. Man, I would like to perform again.

More things to say soon, perhaps.

June 2012

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